Of Course, Everyone Remembered It Perfectly

I dont remember because it never happened! said Redford, looking at her with the earnest eyes of an old man. The conversation fizzled out awkwardly, and everyone went their separate ways.

*Why did he lie?* thought Gretel. *It was obvious from his face!*

Dyou want me to be your Kay? asked eleven-year-old Billy Redford, trying his luck with his classmate Gretel Sparrow.

My *what*? she frowned.

Yknow, like in the fairy tale! The Snow Queen enchanted him, and Gretel saved him!

Gretel? Noits *Gerda* who saves him! scoffed Sparrow. Honestly, read a book!

Whats the differenceGretel, Gerda? Billy waved it off, never one to fuss over details. Im askingdyou want me to be your Kay?

She did not. Billy was scrawny, had ears like jug handles, and was a good inch shorter. Not that rescuing a smaller boy wouldve been difficultshe was sturdy, half a head taller than himbut imagine the *shame* of being seen with him afterward! No, thank you. Besides, her heart already belonged to someone else: Mickey Pudding, the class dunce.

Speaking of, Mickey was right there, eavesdropping with great amusement.

Gretel adjusted her hair ribbon and, loud enough for Pudding to hear, declared:

*Kay?* Youre not even fit to play the reindeer! So, *Kay*, toddle off and dont come back!

Mickey burst out laughing. Billy shot him a nervous glance and bolted. The next day, in front of the whole class, he got his revengedubbing her *Gretel the Lettuce*. I shall have my vengeance, and it shall be *terrible!*

Well, what did she expect, Sparrow? Not every bloke takes rejection gracefully.

Billy mightve been weedy, but he had brains to spare. He just hadnt been quick enough to fire back in the momentanyone wouldve faltered under such a blow.

Soon, the whole class was howlingeven Pudding. The nickname stuck. It *was* funny, after all.

When Gretel complained at home, her parents soothed her. But one evening, while helping with algebra, her dad lost patience and snapped:

Honestly, that Billys rightyour brains full of *lettuce!*

He added, Give him my regards!

Just like that, Billy was to blame againher father had never said anything like it before.

By graduation, the drama had fadedchildhood grudges, crushes, and embarrassments all left behind. They even shared a dance or two. Billy had shot up, filled out, and started lifting weights.

Mickey got booted to vocational school after Year 9no leniency back then. Long-distance love fizzled too. Sorry, Mickey.

After school, their paths diverged. Gretel went into teaching; clever Billy, naturally, to Imperial College.

Occasionally, theyd bump into each other back home, exchanging pleasantries. Eventually, life pulled them apartmarriages, moves, fewer trips to the old neighbourhood.

Class reunions grew depressingbest avoided. The years did no favours: the boys balded and grew beer bellies; the girlswell, lets just say Gretel wasnt the only one whod filled out.

Billy, though? Hed stayed lean, defying time.

By forty-five, Gretel was deputy head at a school. Billy, an engineertypical middle-class life.

Then the 90s hit.

Gretels daughter, Zoe, brought home a jobless fiancé: Were having a baby! Meanwhile, factories folded, jobs vanished. Training courses sprouted like mushroomsapparently, personal growth didnt happen without seminars.

Yuri, the welder, refused to sell coats at the market. Im a tradesman, not a shopkeeper!

Gretel and her engineer husband scrambledshe imported leather jackets from Spain (so much for education!), he delivered parcels. Capitalism, eh?

By the decades end, things stabilisedjust in time for the crash.

Luckily, Gretel had stashed dollars. Overnight, they went from broke to affording a two-bed flat. *Financial alchemy!*

Zoes family moved in. Yuri scraped byno one needed welders.

Gretel returned to teachingtough old birds were always in demand.

Billy? Rarely seen.

At sixty, Gretels husband left. You smothered me, he said. *Thanks, self-help gurus.*

Seventy brought retirement. Schoolyard troublemakers now outweighed her.

Back in her parents old flat, she ran into Billyalso alone, his wife gone. They chatted often now, reminiscing.

One day, outside the shops:

Remember when you asked to be my Kay?

Theyd never spoken of it.

*When* did I say that?

Year Five, I think.

Me? *Your Kay?* Billy scoffed. Pull the other one, Sparrow! Id have remembered. Besides, you couldnt even climb a ropehowd you rescue anyone?

So you remember the rope but not Kay? She raised an eyebrow. Selective memory, eh? *Fail.*

I dont remember because it never happened, he said, all innocence.

Maybe his mind had purged the embarrassment. At this age, shame stuck like glue.

*If I dont remember, it didnt happen. Take that, Lettuce.*

The conversation died. They parted ways.

*Why lie?* thought Gretel. *His eyes gave him away.*

And Billy? Oh, he remembered. You dont forget your first rejection.

*Serves you right, Gretel the Lettuce.*