I’m Over 50—Here’s What I Think I Can Say on Behalf of British Men

A typical Englishman would never be drawn to a woman whos painfully thin, you know why?

For more than fifty years now, weve had these rigid beauty standards forced upon us, wrapped up in this obsession with being slim especially for women, as if its some unwritten rule. Like it or not, the expectation is that you mould yourself into societys notion of perfection, as if youre a show poodle rather than an actual person. Step out of line, and suddenly youre overlooked for promotions at work or cant seem to keep the company of a decent chap.

Women track their weight as if theyve picked it up at an antique shop, terrified of putting even a few ounces back on. Women with natural, womanly curves the sort youd call truly beautiful have just about vanished from magazine covers. But I stand against all that, just as my friends do.

People come in all shapes and sizes large noses, small noses, flat faces, expressive ones, blond hair, jet-black hair its all brilliant in its own way. To think someone is automatically more attractive because theyve shed a load of weight… that just seems daft to me. Any normal bloke would steer clear of that outlook.

Obviously, Im not talking about seeking out women who are dangerously overweight, with their faces merging into their shoulders. But I personally think a bit of plumpness is quite charming. The cosier types tend to be cracking cooks, in my experience.

Their fridges are always stocked, youre never in danger of going hungry or being sent out to fend for yourself. They know the joy of a well-prepared meal, and they happily share it with their loved ones.

If a womans shaped like a dumpling, shes not about to starve you or nag you into some dreadful diet. She wont try to force-feed you plain porridge without bacon goodness knows, I had my fill of that during my time in the National Service.

Youre free to nibble on pizza while watching a film in the evening if you cant sleep, or dig into ice cream together. Best of all, she doesnt think shes heavens gift she just treasures the fact that youre by her side, no fuss required. But stick-thin women with all their fussiness tend to be far too much hard work. So I chose a curvier lady, and I couldnt be happier for it.