My Mum Moved In to Help with My Daughter—and Never Left. How Do I Let Her Know It’s Time for Her to Go?

Lately, my mum has been living on her own since she split up with my dad. My brother, Thomas, stayed with her for a while, but after he moved in with his girlfriend, she started to feel rather lost rattling around that big house by herself. She keeps telling me how lonely and unsettling it ishow she wishes there was someone to chat to in the evenings.

I felt a real tug at my heart and suggested she might move in with her sister, Aunt Margaret, since she lives alone too. But Mum wasn’t too taken with the idea, saying that it’s difficult to share a roof at their ageboth a bit set in their ways, I suppose.

Since my brother left, Mum began popping round to ours much more often. She’d come over both at weekends and sometimes during the week without any reason at all. We always made her welcome; it was nice having her around. When we visited our in-laws in Surrey, wed invite her along to the cottage for a bit of change. We really did everything we could to keep her from feeling isolated.

Things were just about manageable until my wife, Alice, and I had our first son, Oliver. Mum told us she wanted to stay for a while to help out with the new baby once we got home from the hospitaland, to be fair, she laid out some sensible reasons why it would be helpful. After a lot of thinking, we agreed. She turned out to be a godsend, helping with Oliver and all the household bits.

Yet, we didn’t expect her to keep staying and staying. Two months have gone by and she hasn’t shown any inclination to return to her own place. In fact, she’s even started saying it makes more sense to let out her flatat least someone would be living there and she’d get a bit of rent in pounds.

We’re truly grateful for everything she’s done, but her constant presence is wearing us thin. Our flat is on the small side, hardly big enough for three adults and a baby, and we desperately crave a bit of privacy. Mum never goes outshes retired nowso shes always around, getting on with her own projects around the place.

She has taken to rearranging every corner of our kitchen, sometimes quite literally turning things upside down. It’s not just the kitchen; she moves things about everywhere and I feel like Alice and I have lost control of our own home. Honestly, this is why we’d chosen to live on our own in the first place. Were a young family, and its impossible to relax with someone else always presentcan’t even walk about in my boxers! To make matters worse, Mum has started commenting on how we spend our money and has a go at me for not pitching in enough with the baby.

I tried to have an honest conversation with her, trying to explain that couples our age need their own space. Mum just won’t have it. She reckons it’s perfectly normal to live with your parents in England, that young families cant possibly manage alone with a newborn. According to her, wed fall apart without her there.

I’m at my wits end trying to get through to her while still being sensitive to her feelings. The truth is, shes become more of a burden than a help, but I feel a deep sense of pity that shes so lonely in her old age.

Still, it’s not any of our fault that Mum and Dad divorced. She could always find someone new or fill her life in other ways besides living with us indefinitely.

If theres one thing Ive learnt, its that balancing family loyalty with your own needs is bloody hard. Sometimes, helping the people you love means being brave enough to set boundariesand thats something I need to work on.