“Why Is It Okay for Your Mum to Stay with Us for a Week, But Not Mine?” My Husband Asked

My mother-in-law was always fiercely protective of her son. I remember, in those days, during holidays, my husband would drop by his mother’s house every afternoon for lunch. Each day, without fail, shed send him little notes or ring him up. If any problem cropped up, he was off to see his mother for advice. Should he need a bit of extra cash, it was his mother hed turn to.

One evening, I came home from work and found my mother-in-law in our living room, a hefty suitcase packed with belongings and books at her side.

Good evening, Mum, I greeted her. What brings you here with all that luggage?

Ive decided to stay at yours for a week, she declared. Ill help around the house, with the child, with your husband. You must keep your husband properly fed, you know! And youre not always able to manage it all, what with your work and everything, she responded.

Now, my mother-in-law was quite a formidable woman, strong-willed and opinionated. I didnt argue or try to reason with herI simply went to talk to my husband. His reaction left me rather stunned.

Darling, I said, your mother has decided shes staying with usfor a whole week, and without asking us first! She says I cant keep the home running as I should.

I dont see the problem, he replied. Let her stay. Why is it that your mother can come and stay for a week, but mine can’t? Is my mother not as good as yours? When your mum stayed with us before, I didnt complain, did I?

But waitmy mother lives up in Manchester and only visits once or twice a year! Im hardly going to send her off to a hotel. Your mother lives just down the road and pops in nearly every day! I replied.

I couldnt bear the thought of my mother-in-law lingering about our house in my absence, rummaging through things that werent hers, poking into our wardrobes and cupboards while we were away.

My husband, of course, was quite used to his mother’s fussing. He was already getting flecks of grey in his hair, yet she still dashed about, bringing him stew and wiping his nose as though he were a boy. Arguments over this filled many days between my mother-in-law and me. What troubled me was that my husband still hadnt truly cut the apron strings. His mother resented that I wasnt tending to her boy as she thought I should and constantly dispensed advice on how I ought to live, what to do, and how to care for her son.

After we married, shed turn up daily to our home, washing her sons socks and waiting for him with dinner freshly cooked. I grew weary of it, so I spoke to my husband, and he had a word. Eventually, she cut her visits down to two or three times a week. Yet, when our son was born, she was back again, visiting nearly every day.

In time, I came to a decision: if my mother-in-law insisted on running things, I would rent a flat of my own and move out. I told my husband about itif his mother stayed, I would leave.

She only wants to help! he insisted, sounding wounded.

But whos asking for her help? I replied.