You’re Not Really My Husband, Alfie… An elderly woman sat by her husband’s bedside, gently wipin…

Youre not really my husband, Harry…

An elderly lady sat by her husbands bedside, dabbing his feverish brow with a damp flannel.
Harry, theres something Ive always wanted to confess, but never quite plucked up the courage. Ive deceived you, Harry youre not my real husband!

The old man blinked open his eyes and stared at his wife in disbelief.

Just let me finish, dont interrupt. Who knows, we might part ways forever and I wont get to confess. Remember when you wandered into our village after the war, lost and looking a bit battered? I was in shock at first, but then I threw myself at your neck. You looked so much like my husband! Id received the letter about him you know, the black-edged one saying he was gone, but then you turned up, alive and well. I thought theyd made a mistake with the paperwork and my husband had returned. I rushed to you, only to realise Id got it wrong. I blushed, spluttered apologies, but let you spend the night in our shed.

In the morning, you decided to fix the shed door, and would you believe, a beam came loose and whacked you on the head. I thought I’d have to bury you as well, but then I saw you breathing, so you must have survived. I called the doctor, and he said you were a sturdy chap, just a bit dazed, slight knock on the memory. Thats when I decided to say you were my husband. You looked reliable, strong and after the war, I couldnt manage alone with two little ones. I told you, and you believed me. My conscience poked me for ages, but we got used to each other, even grew fond, and I didnt want to change anything. Only now am I confessing that I made the decision for you. Maybe things would have turned out differently for you

Harry gazed at his wife silently… and then burst into laughter.

You daft old thing! Why would I want a different life? I always loved you. Its true, I wandered into your village by accident, but when I laid eyes on you, I was smitten right away. Didnt know how to approach you, so I thought Id help about the place, maybe youd warm to me and not kick me out. Then that beam clobbered me, everything went fuzzy. When I came round, the doctor was fussing and you were hovering next to me. I asked him to tell you I had a touch of amnesia, just to buy more time in your house. Then you surprised me, claimed I was your husband, and I was chuffed because I didnt have to make anything up.

Oh, you sly fox! chuckled the old lady. Why didnt you say something earlier? We could have had a good laugh together.

I wanted to, but time just got away from us. Busy raising the older ones and then we had three more together, Harry grinned under his moustache. We spent our whole lives dragging around these secret burdens, only to find they werent even secrets in the end.

Well, at least its all out now. Otherwise, wed have given the guardian angels a right giggle with our stories, the old lady said. But Harry, dont go dying on me. Dont leave me here alone I couldnt cope without you.

Oh, stop with the tears! Everythings fine, he reassured her. Enough fussing, go and get yourself to bed. Things always look clearer in the morning.

They turned in for the night, though she hardly slept her thoughts whirled and kept her tossing. At dawn she woke early, saw her husbands bed empty, and a pang of worry squeezed her heart. She peeked outside, only to find him sitting on the front stoop, puffing on his pipe. She let out a sigh of relief. The Grim Reaper had missed them this time looks like theyd creak along together a little longer yet.