“You wore this dress to two events, got it stained, and now want to return it. We can’t accept it”—and that’s when a slice of apple flew at Sarah.

Today, Sophie had quite the mishap at worka slice of apple came flying straight at her. Everybody in the shop saw it: customers, colleagues, the manager, even the regional director. No hiding here!

“Well, she doesnt look like the type to throw fruit, does she?” remarked the regulars. The woman responsible for the airborne apple was prim and propertailored suit, freshly styled hair, elegant manicure, and those glossy high heels straight out of a London fashion magazine. But whats the story? Staff last saw this lady about two months ago, and back then, she gave everyone a crash course in patience by spending five hours picking out a dress.

“Youre all so lazy and uncultured!” she had sniped at the time. No one was rude in return; she bought the dress, strutted out, and that was that. Until today, when she marched in and demanded her money back. Youd guess it was faulty, but nothe dress simply bored her after two months, so she decided to return it, even though the return window had closed weeks ago.

Sophie politely said, Im afraid we cant accept it. The return periods long gone.
Fine, then claim its got a fault, the woman suggested, just like she was ordering tea at a café.
Im sorry, but we cant do that without a proper inspection, replied Sophie.
If you like, we can send it for examination.
Well, I havent got all day! Just put down that its defective, she insisted, her voice climbing the octaves.
I understand your frustration, but we cant declare a fault without an expert opinion. Are you expecting me to hop over to another country to replace it? The way she said it, youd think exchanging a dress meant crossing the Channel.

Sophie hadnt a clue what Paris had to do with her dress woes, but the womans voice kept rising until she was nearly bellowing. The shop manager popped out of her office, ears pricked.

Whats going on? she asked.
Are you the director? They refuse to give me my money back!
Could you tell us the date you bought the dress?
Why does everyone care about dates? The dress is stained, thats all there is to it.
Yes, theres a stain, but we cant issue a refund without an assessment. Its important to know if the mark was there when you purchased it
Utterly outrageous! Its all a con, youre a bunch of swindlers! she hollered at the director.

Sophie tried again, Im sorry, but youve worn the dress for two months, got it dirty, and now want to return it. We cant give things away for free, nor swap it for nothing.

Thats when the apple missile struck. No one saw where the lady had got it fromwas it hidden in her Mary Poppins handbag? Sophie felt utterly insulted and decided to leave her shift early while the woman continued ranting at the manager and director.

Lets just give her a refund and be done, murmured the shop administrator.

No, said the director, always attempting to calm the storm, we cant let her call the shots. Shes trying to pull a fast one. We wont be manipulated. And she promptly rang the police.

All in a days work at an English boutiquefruit-throwing customers, impromptu international dramas, and enough irony to fill the Thames.