My Mum Told Me to Get Rid of My Baby—Now I’ll Never Be Able to Have Children Again

I was just sixteen when I found out I was pregnant with a boy I cared for deeply. His name was James, and wed been together a year by then. We went to school together in Sheffield, and although we both excelled academically, this was something we werent at all prepared for. The moment I realised I was pregnant, I was terrified. We didnt dare breathe a word to our parents at first. My mum and dad only discovered the truth later, and when they did, their anger was palpable.

Ours was always the family people praised; theyd call us a model household. Im their only child, always keen on my studies and never causing trouble. Both James and I were still underage, so our parents made the decisions for us.

We had big plans. James and I both wanted to go to good universities and build promising careers. Our parents expected nothing less. A baby now would have meant turning our backs on all those dreams.

So, my mum insisted I go through with the abortion. It was still early enoughmedically, everything went as expected.

Afterwards, James and I tried to pick up the pieces. We carried on seeing each other, finished school, got places at university, and, just a year later, got married. My parents accepted our choices, at last. Not long after, I became pregnant again. This time, everyone was thrilled.

Things seemed perfect, but everything changed in the sixth month. I began bleeding unexpectedly. Our little son arrived far too soonhe weighed barely three poundsand just three hours after he was born, he passed away.

The complications were severe. The doctors couldnt stop the bleeding and had to perform a hysterectomy. That meant Id never have children again. Mum visited me at the hospital, and for the first time told me how sorry she was for pressuring me into that abortion years before. But her regret couldnt fix any of this.

You cant undo whats been done; whats lost cant be reclaimed. Ill never be a mother now. I dont know if James and I will find happiness as a couple after all thishaving children feels so central to the idea of family, at least how Ive always imagined it.