My Boyfriend Says He Loves Me, But He’s Never Chosen Me—Three Years of Secret Meetings, Broken Promi…

My friend would tell me he loved me, but never once did he choose me.

It went on like this for three years. Three years of secret meetings. Three years of hearing the same promises repeated. Three years spent in a relationship that existed only when his wife wasnt nearby.

I hadnt entered his life knowing he was married. It was months before I learned the truth: that he and his wife still lived together as a regular couple. By then, I was already too wrapped up to walk away easily.

From the very beginning, everything came with restrictions. We could only meet on selected days, at certain times, always in places where nobody knew us. He never stayed the night. We could never travel together. I could never even so much as hint at our connectiondefinitely no pictures. If I sent him a message at night and he didnt reply, I always knew the reason. If he disappeared at weekends, I understood that, too.

His real life was elsewhere. My existence revolved around the empty corners he left behind.

Id ask him, calmly and directly, whether hed ever leave his wife. He always gave the same answeryes, but never now. Hed say he was waiting for the right time. That it wasnt simple. There were matters yet to settle. She depended on him. He didnt want to hurt her. Ive heard those words so many times Ive grown to despise them. There was always a new excuse, a new deadline, a new hope dangled in front of me.

It was always me who adjusted.

Id change my plans. Decline invitations. I taught myself not to ask too many questions, to avoid quarrels. When he travelled with her, I held my tongue. When he celebrated anniversaries with her, I pretended not to notice. When he turned up after rows at home, Id be the one to comfort him.

I was the listener.
The one who understood.
The one who waited.

Yet never the one who was chosen.

There were moments when I thought, surely, this time Ill leave. Once, he even promised me hed spoken with a lawyer. Again I told him I was unhappy. Again I looked for a new flat. Again I hoped. Again I put everything on the line.

But always, something interveneda job, family, money, the time isnt right.

And so I stayed. Trapped in a story that never moved forward.

Meanwhile, my own life ticked on.

My friends married. Moved house. Made plans.

I lied. Said I was single. Claimed I was in something without labels. I couldnt face telling the truthI knew how it sounded. I knew what they would say. Despite everything, I remained. Not because I was naive, but because I loved him. Or thought I did. Some days, I cant say for sure anymore.

The most painful thing, in truth, wasnt that he never left his wife.
The most painful thing was that he never stood up for me.

If she suspected anything, he withdrew entirely.
If there was tension at home, it was me who vanished.
If he had to choose between looking me in the eye and keeping up his image with hershe always won.

I was never the choice.
I was the backup. The one it was safe to keep waiting.

Im still with him. But Im not who I used to be.
I want him, but Im tired.
Tired of understanding.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of making do with crumbs of time and affection.

I need advice, so I might finally decide.
Has anyone ever found themselves in such a place?
What would you say to a woman like me, if she were sitting before you now?