I’m 89 Years Old. A Scammer Called to Trick Me—But I’m an Engineer.

Im 89 years old. They rang me up to try and scam me. But I used to be an engineer.

It was a rather uneventful Tuesday morning, and there I was, enjoying a cup of mint tea and puzzling over a sudoku. At 93, my mind’s still as nimble as it was back in the 60s when I was elbow-deep in programming.

“Mrs. Whitmore?” came a slippery sort of voice down the line. “Were calling regarding some irregularities with your account. Theres been suspicious activity, Im afraid.”

Aha.
Another one.

“Oh dear, how alarming,” I quavered, turning on my best wobbly old lady voice. “What would you like me to do, young man?”

“We just need you to confirm your bank card number, please.”

“Of course, of course just let me put my spectacles on” I drew out the silence, rustling a bit for effect. “Actually, why dont you tell me the last four digits, and Ill confirm. Just so I can be sure youre really legitimate.”

Dead air.

“It doesnt work like that, madam. We need the full number.”

“I see,” I sighed. “Just tell me one thing are you calling on a standard VoIP line or are you using end-to-end encryption?”

Another pause.

“Madam, if youll just”

“I only ask because,” I carried on in my calmest tone, “while youve been talking, Ive traced your IP address. Interesting… looks like youre calling from an internet café. Did you know, I spent forty years designing security systems? Im a systems engineer by trade. One does pick up a few tricks.”

“I madam”

“And heres another fun tidbit,” I added. “Ive just activated a script on my own line. Its pulling data from your device as we speak. Shall I read out your contact list, or would you prefer I send it directly to the authorities?”

I could hear the swallow all the way down the line.

“This is illegal”

“Illegal?” I chuckled. “Sonny, I was writing code before your nan could toddle. And Im recording all this, metadata and all. Best bit? I can see your screen. Hello, Daniel. Lovely profile photo. Does your mum know what you get up to?”

Click.

He hung up.

I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my tea. Then I rang up my grandsonthe one who always jokes I cant work the Wi-Fi.

“Jamie,” I said when he picked up, “I just outwitted a scammer who tried to nick my savings. Still reckon I dont know my way around the internet?”